Who is a Lager Lout, Explorer, or Beerologist?
Let us set the scene.
THE LAGER LOUT
“I love my beer, but none of that fancy crap. Just gimme a schooner of Tooheys New and sit me down at a table with the fellas” – (Enid Blyton).
The Lager Lout membership is designed for blokes like Robbo (aka “Loud Bob” – his poker call-sign) in mind.
When he’s at the pub, it’s VB all day; when at the bottle shop, it’s straight to the cold room to grab a case of Heineken, Peroni or Stella, depending what’s on special.
Loud Bob never puts too much thought into his beer purchases, as he’s not that fussy about it. Beer’s beer to him as long as it’s not that craft beer crap that’s too hoppy and fruity. Loud Bob is happy to try new beer, his latest being Furphy, but the beer needs to be easy drinking if he’s to go back for a second.
Loud Bob last visited a craft brewery over five years ago and is unaware that the craft breweries are now brewing his favourite styles - Lagers and Pilsners.
Loud Bob loves the Lager Lout membership – each month, he gets a case of beer containing two 4-packs from three different breweries, but all the beers are his beloved Lagers or Pilsners.
Loud Bob is happy knowing he’s helping local, independent breweries and loves the convenience of receiving a case of fresh beer to his door every month.
“When I go to one of my hotels, I don’t just go for the same old beers I’ve tried a hundred million times. I’ll always look at what’s on tap and try something new. There’s no doubt I’m the best chooser of beers in the history of beer. There’s never been a better beer chooser than me.” – (Donald Trump)
The Explorer membership is designed with blokes like Graham (aka “The Phantom” – his poker call-sign) in mind.
When Graham drops into the bottle shop, he may well buy his usual brands, or he may impulsively choose a case he’s never tried before, to see what it’s like. He likes to live on the edge… a little.
The Phantom looks at beer a bit like he looks at eating out. In a Chinese restaurant, he’ll order the dishes he knows his wife, friends and he will enjoy, but he also has a crack at one fancy dish, maybe one with a name he can’t pronounce, which involves parts of an animal he’s not used to eating.
The Phantom enjoys heading down to the local craft breweries. He will sample all of the beers on tap and typically declare one or two the best of the day, buying a couple of four packs to takeaway.
The Phantom is a huge fan of the Explorer membership. Each month he gets a case of beer containing two 4-packs from three different breweries; it’s a balanced mix of all his favourites, pale ale, IPA, Red IPA, XPA, dark ale and even a Sour, just the way he likes it.
“Each time I partake of a beer, it’s a chance for me to expand my horizons, educate and tantalise my palate.” – (Chuck Norris)
The Beerologist membership is designed for blokes like Richard (aka “High Class”– his self-ascribed pokercall-sign) in mind.
He only buys his beers direct from independent breweries or from the fridge in his tiny, local, independent bottle shop.
He is strictly a six-pack man, never buys in cases and can’t remember the last time he stepped foot in a cool room to buy VB or XXXX.
High-Class likes to tell people he has a PhD in beer, and he’s never keen on drinking the same brew on more than one occasion. He is often seen in small bottle shops, reading the backs of bottles, letting all the cold air out of the fridge while Googling the brewer’s back story.
Nothing gives High-Class more joy than being able to tell the lads he’s drinking “a cheeky limited release from a local brewer called Hibiscus Hercules”.
For High-Class, the perfect beer has the hops picked three days after a full moon with the the water sourced directly from a glacier.
High-Class gets very excited (well, as excited as he ever gets) about his Beerologist membership. He pays a bit more, but he gets sent six 4-packs from six different breweries, and they’re made up of seasonal and limited releases with backstories. He couldn’t be happier.
Introducing the Wagon, Loud Bob’s brother (the Lager Lout) Shane, aka Big Rig, is one of those guys who loves a beer and has been known to often have more than he should.
Prior to Covid it wasn’t uncommon for Big Rig to roll into the office, flat white and bacon & egg roll in hand, under a bit of a haze due to the night before. “Let’s catch up for a couple of sneaky ones” would often turn into a bender.
Nowadays working from home and the pressures of home schooling have changed the game. Big Rig realises he can’t tip-toe through the day with the booze-induced fog of the night before.
So Big Rig has swapped his much-loved after work Pale Ales, IPAs and XPAs for the non-alcoholic versions and he hasn't looked back.
And Big Rig is not the only one jumping on "the wagon". The largest growing segment in the Aussie booze industry is the non alcohol stuff. As a result, more and more breweries are also jumping on the wagon and are producing some great tasting non alcoholic beers in all your favourite styles.
Big Rig has subscribed to Gettin’ Crafty’s new subscription The Wagon. Delivered on a quarterly basis, starting from 1 October, Big Rig will receive a mixed case (24 tinnies) 4 different 6 packs of no-alcohol beer delivered to his door.